Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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