Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
