i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
