If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
