A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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