Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
