Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
