I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I smell like Dick and happiness
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
