What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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