Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize