@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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