oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
