This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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