Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
