probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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