got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
