Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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