i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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