Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
