I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
