Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
