I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
