I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
