Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
