I think I won the penis lottery.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bring me that man meat
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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