In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
