Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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