Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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