I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i came on her dog
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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