You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
