you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you never un-have a 4some
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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