i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
