I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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