Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
