All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
