I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
