Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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