summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
