We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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