evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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