Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
