woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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