i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
