I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insuranceâ€
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
