I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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