Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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