Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize