wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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