i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize