just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize