we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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