i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Say something about gay babies.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
