omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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