I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
