Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
