I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
