i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
