I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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