So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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