we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
