you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
