today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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