who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
