drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
