There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize