It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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