I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
