Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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