I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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