Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
