She is in my trunk
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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