I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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